These Phrases given by My Father That Saved Me as a First-Time Parent

"In my view I was just in survival mode for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the challenges of becoming a dad.

Yet the truth soon proved to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her chief support while also caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, every change… every walk. The duty of mother and father," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he burnt out. It was a conversation with his parent, on a park bench, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The simple statement "You aren't in a good spot. You need support. What can I do to assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and find a way back.

His story is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. Although people is now better used to discussing the strain on mums and about PND, far less attention is paid about the challenges new fathers face.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his struggles are linked to a larger inability to talk amongst men, who continue to internalise damaging notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and doesn't fall every time."

"It's not a sign of failure to seek help. I failed to do that quick enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to accept they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - particularly in front of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental state is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the opportunity to take a respite - spending a short trip overseas, separate from the family home, to gain perspective.

He understood he needed to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotions alongside the day-to-day duties of looking after a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she needed" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has reshaped how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotion and make sense of his parenting choices.

The idea of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen lacked reliable male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, long-standing trauma resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings resulted in him make "poor decisions" when younger to change how he was feeling, finding solace in drink and drugs as a way out from the pain.

"You gravitate to things that are harmful," he explains. "They might temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Strategies for Coping as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - when you are under pressure, tell a family member, your partner or a therapist what you're going through. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the things that made you feel like you before the baby arrived. It could be playing sport, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the body - eating well, staying active and when you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is doing.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - sharing their experiences, the messy ones, and also the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help isn't failing - looking after you is the most effective way you can care for your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead provide the safety and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the feelings safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they acknowledged their pain, altered how they communicate, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I said, sometimes I believe my job is to guide and direct you what to do, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am discovering an equal amount as you are through this experience."